Tuesday, November 16, 2010

To be honest...

It's disguised as a positive thing: 
"Making a difference, 
Changing the world,
Doing your part..."
But for me, I find myself searching for self-glorification in these catchphrases:
I am making the difference, so applaud me.
I am changing the world, so recognize me.
I am doing my part, so thank me.

My on going struggle is self-glorification.
I battle with comparing myself to the world's standards and yearning for wordly approval.
I need that Gold Star.
And when I don't get that Gold Star for making the world a better place, I feel empty.
But you know what I've learned?
If I do get that Gold Star, I still feel empty.
I have gotten these glittery rewards before, all in a row, perfect 10, tic-tac-toe.
But you know what?

It kinda means, well... nothing.

Where are the real relationships?
Where is the humility?
Where is the teachable spirit?
For me, they get lost somewhere between "I'd like to accept this award on behalf of..." and the thousand dollar celebration that follows.
My purpose does not come from Gold Stars.
My purpose isn't just even in relationships, humility, or learning.

My purpose is in glorifying God, the One who deserves it, not my own self.

God's plans for me might not be big by the world's standards. 
I might never receive a single nod from a single person for serving.
People might be confused at what I'm doing, they might think what I am doing is useless.
But the reward from doing what God wants me to do will not leave me feeling empty.
God does have big plans for our lives, but I have to accept that they most likely don't look like the kind of "big" the world says is important. 
And I have to be ok with that.
It's so hard for me to give that up, but I have to.

And only then will I find fulfilling how I serve, and only then will I be doing what I was made to do.


  1. You get it. "Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will lift you up at the proper time. 1 Pt 5:6 I celebrate you, Kaitlin King.

  2. Hi KK, I so value your honesty and I recognize where you are as well. I've been there too. I decided when my fourth kid was old enough to give me the room to write a novel. I was going to do the amazing thing finally with my life. I finished it and learned along the way it was about learning not about accomplishing. I never looked at it again after the first draft was finished. I was doing it to say "see I'm not just a housewife and mom". God spoke loudly to me then and said, "if you write it will be for me and in my way". I'm mentoring a young woman who went to law school for all the wrong reasons and when she passed the bar and went looking for a job she realized it wasn't God's will for her to be a lawyer afterall, it was for herself so now she's the church secretary, contemplating being a stay at home mom and more at peace than ever (except for that nasty law school loan which might take forever to pay). Anyway, I think it's wonderful that you have learned this so young. This knowledge will serve you well and prevent you from the mistakes we have made. Dios te bendiga. Tonya LaTorre