Amusements

Some funny things happened in the Philippines. Here are my absolute favorite hilarities...

• To get the Pizza Hut delivery line, you call 911

• (Not everyone will understand this one, sorry!) One time Jenn and I were bouncing down a street in the most pimped-out, neon-painted, fuzzy dice decorated Jeepney I ever rode in, and the hip-hop song “Yeah” by Usher came on the radio. That was my most ghetto moment in my life’s history.

• The big promo at Starbucks was Coffee Jelly drinks. These were basically regular lattes or Frapuccinos with chunks of coffee-flavored jelly in the bottom that you would suck up in your straw every now and then for a nice textural surprise. At first I was skeptical, but after receiving so many free samples from my Starbucks friends, they grew on me.


• While I was there, I ate chicken feet, soup with beef bone marrow, fried pig skin, various kids of animal fat, banana ketchup, raw squid, plenty of mystery meat and a whole fish (eyes, scales and all). Many of these things were for breakfast.

• The supermarket had its own dancers to promote sales (by dancers I mean regular employees who also dance and are by no means professional). I was at one called Pure Gold, and when I heard, “All Pure Gold dancers report to produce” over the loudspeaker, I was totally confused. Then, a few minutes later, a bunch of seemingly normal employees busted into a choreographed number the middle of the store. The best part? It was to a Backstreet Boys medley. It was like a real-life musical.

• The Enchanted Kingdom theme park I went to is best described in this formula:
Disneyland – expensive décor x paint detail + carnival + cruise entertainment x fire = Enchanted Kingdom





• Filipinos love Korean soap operas with poorly translated English subtitles. On the one my family loved the most, a bride decides at the alter she does not want to get married to her groom and calls off the wedding dramatically right before the vows. The groom looks into her eyes and asks her why they cannot get married, and according to the subtitles, she replies, “I am a cool girl.” Dramatic music and tears ensue. Ouch?

• Jenn and I went to a small zoo on one of our days off with her host family. The zoo was difficult to find and get to as we had to squeeze between a barbed wire fence and a brick wall. When we first walked in, we saw a sign reading, “Animal Encounter,” where a tiger was in a 5 foot by 5 3 foot cage closed in by a lock that was 2 inches by 1 inch. Kids were kicking its cage, I touched its paw, and I felt it’s breath on my face. From there, a lion was in a cage shaped like a huge Godzilla, the pony pen gate was open, 2 pythons were chillin’ freely in the fish room on the fireplace, and for $0.25, I put a boa around my neck. It was an animal activist’s nightmare.